Tummy Tale

I hated going to school. Everyday, I would come up with a new ailment to avoid school, the most common of all being stomach-ache; because with time I had discovered that it was one complaint that could not be verified. You cannot feign a fever or a cough or cold. They have symptoms that are there for all to see. No one will believe that a 7-8 year old can have a headache. There are few other diseases that one is aware of at that age, so stomach ache it was, on most days.

I was so irregular to school because of this, that one day; the head mistress suggested to my mother that she get a thorough medical examination done on me, to confirm that it was nothing serious. Though my mother knew that I was pretending most of the time - to bunk school, she wanted to be sure it was harmless. So, off we went to the HAL hospital the next day. I was game because it meant a day off school, for a valid reason. Those mean teachers would summon me to their desk in the afternoon the next day, and make me describe the experience. They would pity poor me, and gossip about it with their colleagues later in the day. Soon the whole of the primary section would know about it.

But, there was a problem. I had never had a stomach ache ever. What would I say if the doctor asked questions? Surely he wouldn’t expect a seven year old to express clearly what she was going through. What if after the examination, they found out that I was perfectly alright? They would report my condition to my mother and I would be ashamed of myself, for lying. What was worse was that, I would have to come up with fresh excuses to bunk school. After considerable thought over this matter during the course of the bus journey, I zeroed in on throat pain. However, I secretly hoped that the doctor would find something seriously wrong with me, and confine me to the bed for at least a month.

We reached HAL hospital and after breakfast at the hospital canteen, which I hated, but my mother claimed was quite hygienic, we headed to the pediatric department. My mother would have been happier if I had a stomach ache that day, in which case the doctor would be able to examine me while I was in pain, but it was not to be. I already had something to fill in the space for ‘reason for absence’ in the first page of the home-work diary. Besides, I knew better than to fool a doctor.

The examination itself was very disappointing. I had imagined it would take at least two hours, including the wait to meet the specialist. But it took less than half an hour. There was no long line ahead of us, and the doctor was not one to waste time on false-stomach aches. He asked me where exactly the pain occurred, and I pointed to a region I thought was most likely to lead to complications. But sadly, it turned out to be the most harmless zone. Appendicitis was out of the question and there was little else a stomach ache could mean at that age. All I needed to do to get rid of the recurring ache was, to drink plenty of water. That was all, no prescription, no tablets. This was embarrasing!

So out we went, my mother clearly relieved and I totally devastated; and she asked me quite nonchalantly, “Did you really have a stomach ache ever?” What could I say? – “From now on, it’s going to be throat pain”?