Thursday, June 02, 2005

Communication Gap

A: Hiiiii! How are you?
B: Oh Hi! I'm fine. So you finally remembered me huh?
A: Umm Yeah...I'm sorry I couldn't call you all these days.
B: Oh well, you've become very busy now. Where will you find the time for people like me?
A: (I wish I hadn't called! This is the last time I'm calling this person!)

Just how many times have you had a conversation like this? And which part do you play? A or B?
I'm A all the time and I'm tired of taking the blame. I call up, people say this; I log into msngr, I have msgs that ask me why I haven't mailed. They even end it with a "It's okay if you are too busy". Busy, me? Everyone knows that it's you who are busy sitting in your cubicle and kutting away, not me. So, what's with the insult? I'm sometimes tempted to ask these people why they didn't call. With phone and internet, I'm just a call or mail or msg away too, why didn't you take the initiative? One of these days, someone is going to get to hear this!

Sadly, I think this is how a lot of relationships end. Unfair expectations and the burden of being answerable all the time. Eventually, there are lies and the relationship begins to crumble. Do we need this? NO!

So the next time someone calls you after a long time, be nice. Ask no questions and you will hear no lies. Whatsmore, they will call you back sooner than later.

14 comments:

Baejaar said...

Its not how many times you talk/chat with somebody that matters. One wouldnt have met/emailed a close friend for months or couple of years. But when we they catch up, they continue from where they left years ago without any issues. I am pretty sure most friends would understand if any/either is busy.

On a lighter vein, if you are "A", then as soon as you call - why dont you pre-emptively blame them for not staying in touch :-)

Gowri said...

I'm not talking about close friends here. Like you say, it's a completely different story with them.

On why I don't blame people as soon as I call, well, I'm just not that kind of a person! :)

Anonymous said...

Hmm. Interesting. I admit I am guilty. I am B. But I am B only when I have taken the initiative :).

Sadly, I think this is how a lot of relationships end. Unfair expectations and the burden of being answerable all the time. Eventually, there are lies and the relationship begins to crumble.

That is so true. I guess the only relationships that do survive are the ones which are "no strings attached". No expectations, nags, taunts. Just taking things as they come.

Gowri said...

You are right. Other than very close friendships, the relationships that last longer are the casual, exchange-plesentaries kind mostly.

Woodooz said...

Am an interesting mix of A and B... If I call up a friend after a long time, I would throw up questions like, "Why no calls?", "busy eh?", "No time for friends?"

Hmmmmm !!!

Gowri said...

Mohan: Leg-pulling is okay, as long as it is just that. If it happens too often, I would consider it nagging.

Somu: You are like Sangeetha, if you make the call, you are entitled to blame the other person! :)

----

Anyway, between friends, these customary lines are always taken in the right spirit, bcoz they are meant to be taken that way. When you are trying to keep a forced relationship going (with relatives for example), such statements can do a lot of harm.

Krish said...

Yup...thought provoking :) I think have been in the postion of both A & B.

But, i thought it's all part of life :)) and no one will end a relationship if i tell like this.

Gowri said...

Krish, trust me, I talk from experience. :) But I guess you say it in a teasing manner, without sounding sarcastic or harsh and that's the reason nothing drastic has happened so far! :)

Sinfully Pinstripe said...

A: Hiiiii! How are you?
B: Oh Hi! I'm fine. So you finally remembered me huh?
A: (Option 1) Well, neither did you either, all this while. So now that we have eventually, either ways, let's forget about the past? So tell me how have you been?
A: (Option 2) Well, neither did you............ (and now wait.... wait... And all will be cool. the person at the other end will eventually break the silence. And then talk)

Gowri said...

That's a good idea but you simply *CANNOT* say that to some people!!
Ok...let's make that ".....*I* simply cannot...."

Vijay Ramamurthi said...

Some other funny/interesting ways to solving the problem (No offence meant please!!)

(I copied the comment snippet from above, too lazy to write dialogue )

A: Hiiiii! How are you?
B: Oh Hi! I'm fine. So you finally remembered me huh?
A: (Offensive approach) You know what I mailed u to that email address and it bounced back, did u change ur email id or some thing??
B: My email is the same, how come it bounced
A: tell him the some email id, (make sure its wrong)

* THis will work if the email is complicated and vulnerable to spelling mistakes/topology changes like firstname.lastname and all.

By the slightest if he has a changed email id, thats it u pounce upon the person like a hungry tiger :))


in order go much stronger

B: I even called u, in that number (give him the first telephone number that he ever had, probably even B doesnt remember it)

:)
Vijay Ramamurthi

Gowri said...

Vijay, your suggestions might work; but if people start exchanging notes and you say the same thing all the time, you are likely to get caught! :))

Here's a variation of your idea I've often heard - "I called, but your phone was constantly engaged in conversation".

This when I've not even asked for an explaination.

I'm tempted to say, "Hello, where have you been? Don't you know everyone has call waiting these days? At least I do, so my phone will never give you an 'engaged' tone" !!

I would love to see the person's face when I do say this! ;)

Anonymous said...

...please where can I buy a unicorn?

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